She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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