i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm at about main and main street
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize