well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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