I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
