Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
