You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
