Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
