She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
