Are we in a gay sports bar?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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