dude i'm inner monologue high
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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