jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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