3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
