I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
