It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
