Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
