DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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