He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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