when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
