I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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