coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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