I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
