he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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