Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
