wrigley field is MILF paradise
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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