Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
