dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
