Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
