just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
