I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
