Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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