I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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