Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize