Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
