She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
