How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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