You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
