I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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