I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
