clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
