We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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