I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
