At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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