The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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