Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
