He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
