she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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