my mouth tastes like poor choices
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
