Kiss
Puke
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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