So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
