But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
