I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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