grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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