i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
