apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
