He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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