btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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