so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
