So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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