I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm passing your future prison.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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