Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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