I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
