Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
