Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
