I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
