Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
