you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
